For those of us who make our calls through the relay — maybe we should send this article on sounding confident on a phone call to our relay operators 🙂 Actually, it might be useful to those who make voice carryover calls (VCO).
One useful tip in the article is to press # after leaving the message so you can hear your message. Well, that won’t work too well on a relay call. The relay operator will hear your message not you. But it’d be interesting to hear my voice since I know what I said.
How to Sound Confident on the Phone
Isolation
Many times, I’ve attended a dance recital, sports event, or appreciation luncheon where I stood in the crowd talking to each other — feeling anxious and isolated. “Why doesn’t anyone talk to me? Someone has to make conversation,” I think to myself. Oh sure, I could start the conversation, but that fear is explained.
Some of these people know me. Do they not like talking to me? They can’t be uncomfortable based on past meetings. Uncomfortable with standing alone, I might go find a group where I know one person, squeeze in the little circle and listen. At least, I’m not alone anymore although I feel isolated from the conversation.
I don’t want to speak up because I might interrupt someone thinking she’s finished talking. Or I might misinterpret the topic of the conversation. Some supporters of the deaf culture and ASL may claim this is my fault because I choose to stay oral. I’m not looking to start another oral vs. ASL war.
No one wants to blame deafness as the cause for isolation, but I’m a realist. I’ve seen enough situations where kids and adults don’t want to talk to the person with a disability or become friends. When I try to slowly build a friendship with someone and she doesn’t respond, I wonder if it something about me? Or our situation?
In today’s society, people are becoming more closed off from each other. So I know I have to take the first step though I despise it. This situation is much like two people in a potential relationship — Is it OK to hold hands? Or will she not share the same feelings? Are we both thinking the same thing, but too afraid to make the first step?
All is not bad. At my daughter’s bat mitzvah party, I couldn’t stop talking to people and moving around. It was our party and we knew everyone. That was a fabulous experience. I’m in no hurry to plan the next one though!
Initiating Conversations
How to Initiate Conversation had me thinking about my experiences in social settings especially those where I knew few people or no one. While I have a few basic questions to break the ice, I rarely use them because I’m afraid to start a conversation.
Shy? No. Fear of speaking? No. Fear of understanding the other person? Bingo.
If I try to start a conversation and immediately learn I can’t read the person’s lips at all — I feel stuck and in a “Wham bam, thank you, ma’am” situation. OK, how does this compare to the real “Wham bam…” situation when it’s G-rated? Because it feels like I “used the person” as in go to the person, get something and leave without respect. Only I get a bad situation with no satisfaction.
Is it better to not start a conversation and avoid a bad situation, or miss the opportunity of meeting a new friend or client? I guess it depends on my mood and alertness. If all else fails, introduce myself and just rely on “nodding head syndrome.”
Thankfully, I live in a community where I’m involved in different things — so I rarely run into an awkward social situation these days.
Deaf Comedian on a Bus
Captioned video of a deaf comedian doing his routine on a bus. To be honest, I didn’t get his jokes.
Partnering with Kids' Teachers
Thank goodness our independent school district allows teachers and parents communicate by e-mail. The district also provides online tools for reviewing grades, attendance and lunch account updates. One of my kids runs into a situation a little more than the average student, so e-mail plays a valuable role in keeping communication open between the school and me.
It also makes me feel like a true parent. Rather than taking the easy way out and calling my husband, the staff knows they can send me an e-mail. When people skip around me — it makes me feel inferior. Just like when I saw a manager go around fellow co-worker — who was also deaf — and talked to her manager instead. He didn’t want to try communicating with her through writing since her communication preference was through sign language.
I rarely run into a teacher who doesn’t like to respond to e-mails. Heck, one that was bad about e-mails was also bad about returning phone calls. Some parents are paranoid about sharing their child’s information by e-mail, but I think involvement outranks paranoia. Besides, the e-mails don’t discuss my children’s appearance and other specific details. They cover a situation or a subject. If someone hacks my e-mail messages to a teacher, G-d forbid they learn something.
Social Bluffing
I loved Karen’s entry on dealing with adversity and her mention of social bluffing. I never realized the act of just doing what everyone else does had a name. I learned the guilty way that social bluffing can lead to trouble.
My husband knows me so well that he’ll catch me bluffing and repeat the question someone else asked me. Another name for this could be “nodding head syndrome” since we often do that when someone is talking and we have no idea what they’re saying. But sometimes we do it for real.
Bionic Woman: The Next Generation
Someone wrote me a note about Bionic Woman, the TV show, that’s coming back this fall. I haven’t taken much of an interest until I received the email about one of the characters. Jamie Sommers has a deaf sister, but the produces filled the role with a hearing actress. In fact, I like the actress and have seen her in many shows. But I’m disappointed that they couldn’t find someone from the deaf actors’ talent pool (don’t know if they even bothered to look).
If this doesn’t sit well with you, go to NBC and let them know how you feel. NBC has posted clips since they have already filmed several episodes. The hearing actress, Mae Whitman, mimics a deaf voice and they use sign-language until there is too much dialogue at which time they switch to speaking and lip-reading.
Can’t believe the part about mimicking the deaf voice.
Dealing with Adversity
Stephen Hopson of Adversity University asks how people deal with adversity. I believe if I weren’t deaf that I wouldn’t know how to deal with adversity as well as I do today. Here I’ve posted my 10 tips for dealing with adversity.
Deaf and deaf Discussion
Ben and Dennis have an interesting discussion going about Deaf and deaf, and not deaf enough. I know that I’m not a part of the Deaf culture, and that’s OK. I just try to get along with everyone deaf, hard-of-hearing or Deaf. I respect everyone’s communication and culture preferences. When I like a person as a friend, it’s because of her personality — who she is, not what she was born with or how she communicates.
It bothers me when people judge based on someone’s choices or birthright. I’ve met people who do both ASL and speak with their voices. They’re part of the Deaf culture, and they’ve shared stories where their Deaf friends got mad because they spoke or wore hearing aids. It’s not fair to the person because she made the choice of doing both.
I imagine this post might get me in trouble, but I’ve met many people over the years through pen pals, the Internet and in person — I enjoyed getting to know them. If someone has a problem with me because I speak and don’t know ASL, then that is what it is. I would hope people would get to know me and not punish me for my choices.
Accents
What American accent do you have? Deaf, of course, but that wasn’t an option and it didn’t stop me from completing the quiz. The site identified my accent as Midland:
You have a Midland accent is just another way of saying “you don’t have an accent.” You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
Based on the description of a Midland accent, it doesn’t surprise me. 11 years of speech therapy shows you how to pronounce things the dictionary way, not with a Texas accent. Got to admit that last line in the description of the Midland is funny.
I’ve had relatives claim I have a Texas accent because of the way I said certain things like “Dad” where I make the “a” last longer than normal. I’ve also been asked “What country are you from?” or “Are you French?” I don’t think a deaf accent resembles a French accent.