After all these years, there is still a heated debate on communication methods for those who are deaf. When I was a baby, it was either oral or sign language. In later years, it became both. What’s the deal now?
The war is between oral and sign language (total communication) vs. completely oral. I am not going to pick sides because I don’t have one. Don’t call me a wimp. It’s simply the decision of the family impacted, not mine.
One reason I won’t learn sign language is because I don’t want to become more and more dependent on it and less and less reliant on my oral communication skills. I have seen this happened to another person who grew up orally like I did. I met her in my first job after college.
She went back to school, to Gallaudet, to get a masters in teaching. From what I understand, she is teaching the deaf. Very admirable. Before she did that, however, I noticed she was less involved in meetings and paid less attention. Soon, she didn’t pay attention unless an interpreter was present.
I get tired, damned tired, of trying to follow a conversation especially a working one or in a long meeting. I might withdraw then, but not for good. I’ll get my energy back and start again next time. It’s just what I have to do to cope in a hearing world.
Communication Debates Continue
Even Miss America Gets Sad
Heather McCallum had a difficult time after receiving the implant. I initially went through a tough time, but mainly because of the side-effects of the surgery not from turning on the implant. Once the implant was turned on, it was uncomfortable for a few weeks and I adjusted. The surgery was more upsetting than the first sounds of the implant.
After eight months of wearing the implant, it’s comfortable like my hearing aids only without the squealing. Once in a while, I’ll catch a word or two without lipreading — but I did that with my hearing aids.
I’m extremely patient with the progress, the problem is the people who mean well when they ask how I am doing with the implant. I hate to tell them that it’s the same or like wearing a hearing aid. I can’t say that it’s better and then they’ll expect me to pick up the phone.
Psychology
Dr. Michael A. Harvey is a Diplomate in Clinical Psychology and the author of a few books relating to people who are deaf. Here’s an interview with him.
I am fortunate to have a supportive family who make a large effort to communicate with me. I have a handful of friends as well, but not as many as I would like and most of those friends are long time friends rather than friends from recent years.
As shallow as it sounds, some people just don’t want to be friends with someone who has a major difference or disability no matter how normal that person behaves in every day life. Then there is the opposite side… those who are friends with everyone are the kind of people I want to be friends with as I like having few and meaningful friendships.
I saw the finale of Friends and I envy the writers or whomever they based those characters on. I would like friends like them. It may be fiction, but these stories are based on what several people have experienced.
Too often, I feel isolated. Last weekend, I went to my daughter’s volleyball game. I talked to a parent when we arrived. Then during the game and in-between games, I felt isolated. It’s frustrating to be the one who has to initiate a conversation almost every time and I don’t want to do it all the time because it could be they may not be interested in talking with me.
Some of the moms were sitting together chatting up a storm. I know these moms and have had conversations with them many times, so it’s not like they don’t realize I can converse. This sort of thing happens too often and it’s a depressing situation. I spent the rest of the time sitting quietly doing my own thing.
The Internet tears down the barriers I face in my day-to-day life and I’ve made a few online friends since they got to know me as a person without the deaf thing in the way. But it’s not the same as having a friend in the same city that you can hug and visit.
Callier Center to Be Honored
The premier men’s singing chorus from Dallas known as the Turtle Creek Chorale has announced its annual Bridge Builder Award winners. “The University of Texas at Dallas / Callier Center for Communication Disorders is receiving the Organization Bridge Builder Award. The UTD/ Callier Center has emerged over the past forty years as a leading resource in local, state, national and international collaborative efforts addressing the needs of children and adults with communication disorders. In a special collaboration, the Turtle Creek Chorale featured the Callier Center Choir during the televised 2003 Holiday concert. Also, the first Cochlear Implant Choir in the nation is rehearsing for a debut in the near future as a result of the TCC ? Callier collaborative efforts.”
I attended Callier three times a week for at least a year. My mom drove me from Fort Worth to Dallas (60 miles) so I could get the training I needed to communicate. Congratulations to Callier on a well-deserved award.
Attention Impairment
A discussion at Hard of Hearing Advocates has caught my eye. The topic is attention impairment. I like what this person says:
“…it has always explained a lot to me. Hearing loss is a sensory deprivation. For those who generally understand how computers function I would add that hearing loss is sensory input deprivation.
“How a person could retrain themselves afterwards by focusing or paying closer attention, seems more a matter of testing your tolerance based on how much information can still be heard. It seems the only retraining possible is to now incorporate sight when filling in auditory blanks. Yet it’s the brain’s lack of information/input that results in what is perceived as ‘not paying attention.’
“When actually there is not enough information received via hearing to keep the brain focused. Our not paying attention now is not due to lack of effort. I wear myself to a frazzle trying to focus by reading lips, paying attention, and straining my eyes as well as my ears. The problem is that audio information via hearing has no rival. Certainly none that do it as well or as fast as hearing. The brain simply can’t process video as quickly as it can audio. I try but it usually only strains the eyes.
“So I think it’s input that is impaired not our attention.”
Wow! Well said. I find myself having more and more trouble sitting still in a classroom, services, a lecture, a luncheon with a speaker, whathaveyou. This is on target and makes sense.
Another person writes, “When we are trying very hard to undertand what is being communicated, we are doing much more than is ordinary.”
I wish people would realize this about me. But I guess when I communicate with those I understand well, they think it’s easy and not a big deal. It is and it unfortunately affects more of my life than I want it. For instance, I suck at sales and it’s a big problem for trying to build up a freelance business.
Talking about Hearing People
People with hearing loss are often talked about when we’re among a hearing crowd. Don’t argue — just take my word for it. Well, a group decided to talk about their pet peeves with hearing people in the Deafbase Forums.
Party on!
Let’s get on the lighter side today and think about What does a deaf rave sound like? When I had a stereo in my room with a three-foot-tall speaker, I loved pressing my ear against it to hear with my naked ear instead of my hearing aids for a change. Good vibrations! [Via Boing Boing and Molly]
Emotional Factors of Hearing Loss
Emotional Factors of Hearing Loss is an insightful article into how hearing loss impacts a person’s emotional state from depression to unhappiness. The facts it addresses apply not only to those who lose their hearing later in life (which is harder to contend with as they have lost something), but also to those born with hearing loss like me. The following two are powerful statements and I can relate.
“Even when doing simple tasks, hard of hearing people must stop in order to concentrate on what is being said. The result is more stress. By itself, that is a minor problem. But people who are hard of hearing must be always alert to when conversation may or may not be taking place–particularly when background sounds exist.”
“Following a typical conversation, normal hearing participants generally retain a fairly good idea of the basic information that was exchanged, be it names or whatever. The hard of hearing person usually has been so focused on trying to understand the conversation that awareness of the complexity of the events discussed suffers, and memory of the conversation is badly limited.”
I am discovering how lucky I’ve been all these years to have retained information from many conversations, but I am also learning why it’s harder and drains my energy. I have always thought I was naturally a low energy person, but have since changed my mind to believe the energy I put into communication takes more out of me than the average person.
Many times, I sit in a conversation with an inkling of the topic, but unable to absorb the information and process it. The numbers are there, but the calculations aren’t working.
Relay Scamming
Whoa! A colleague sent me a link to Telepocalypse: A deaf ear, which discusses a scam taking advantage of a service for the deaf, hard-of-hearing, and those who have trouble speaking.
How did I miss this considering it was Slashdotted? I read some of the comments. One person recommended making the relay service a 900-service and the Federal government reimburses those who are “certified” as legitimate.
Ha, that won’t work especially since we can make relay calls through the Internet without dialing a number. Plus, reimbursement is a pain in the rear. We’ve already got plenty of challenges… we don’t need another to pay a phone bill and then fight to get reimbursed. I have a hard time getting the occasional rebate to go through without trouble.
Anyway, there’s the argument of people who use the relay service for legitimate reasons should be allowed to make any kind of call they wish even if it is illegal. They have that right. If anyone can call an 900 number, a person using the relay has the right to do so, too.
The relay operator is trained to communicate the messages between the two people on the call and nothing else. Not make judgements, insert opinions, change the tone of voice to indicate a personal response other than the two people on the line. Thanks to all the hardworking operators for making this possible. It’s not an easy job.
Good to see the technology and issue received the attention from /. Joe Clark, of course, reported on it. I disagree about not using IP Relay. I can’t use 711 from my office and using IP relay is the only way I can make business calls without being charged. I work for a phone company and we wouldn’t want our long distance calls charged to a competitor (but our company is NOW a long distance carrier option except for Hawaii). [ Thanks, Matt]
I’ve been doing a ton of reading (scanning) on the Internet about the social and psychological factors of not having average hearing. Fascinating stuff. Will report on it.
Dear Abby
From today’s Dear Abby:
DEAR ABBY: I was at a dinner party recently. One of the guests, who was totally deaf, was completely ignored. Not once did anyone attempt to include him in the conversation. I don’t know how he stood it.
After dinner I talked to him. He told me he is used to being ignored by hearing people at parties and hated attending them. He was there to please his wife, who is not deaf.
He spoke well and was good at lip-reading. He was intelligent, knowledgeable, and has a good job. He told me he would bring a good book to these gatherings if his wife didn’t think it’d be rude.
Abby, how would you have handled this? I’m going to send your answer to every person I know. — SHOCKED BY THE RUDENESS
DEAR SHOCKED: A gracious hostess tries her best to assure that all of her guests will have a good time, and facilitates conversation. If I had been the hostess, I would have spoken with the couple in advance and elicited some interesting facts about the man. Then I would have shared them with the rest of my guests, as well as the fact that he could lip-read.
The alternative would be to “casually” mention that he is distantly related to Warren Buffett or Bill Gates, or that he’s connected in the motion picture business. But then you’d probably have to hire police protection to keep the other guests from mobbing him. (Only joking!)
Meryl here: Please don’t ignore me. I do want to be included. But if you decide to ignore me, let me know and I’ll bring a book to read. If I don’t understand what is said, it’s not out of stupidity… rather out of the fact, I’m not a perfect lip-reader.